Ruled by Secrecy.

University Student - BSc in Nursing.
Life just in words and pictures.
~ Wednesday, August 20 ~


Everything is the same.

Everything is the same.

I am struggling financially again. I start school and I have no idea how I am going to pay for food. 

Food bank I go. I wish I could joke about that.

As my last few days come until I move out. My mom’s behavior has been emotionally and verbally abusive.

Example is today.

My mom becomes very angry and violent, which I nicknamed “Godzilla mode”.

She usually becomes upset over something so small then all her other “issues” explodes into a huge atom bomb. 

For today her reasons for GODZILLA mode are the following:

1. A Haitian car salesman convinced her to upgrade her car that was less than 5 years old. Now, she’s totally in love with this guy. Oh the greatest part, he treats her very badly. He loves to lead her on and pretend he’s interested in her then never shows up on dates or ignores her for days. Romeo. 

As I keep thinking of all the reasons why shes becoming a miserable person and taking out her issues on me.

I came to the conclusion that shes not worth the negativity that she brings into my life.

Despite all my hardships, I have worked my ass off to finish my degree. 

I worked so hard to get where, who I am today.

I am strong.

I am perfect

I am successful.

No matter what my mom says, I know I m doing the best I can do.

I should feel happy with what I have accomplished by myself despite all the negative odds.

Overall, it is really disappointing that my mom. A mom is supposed to be your biggest supporter and the one to always lift you up when your down; be the person who always kicks you down. 

Maybe one day my mom will be happy. But for now, I need to distance myself from her because she’s determined to make me as miserable as she is. 

Tags: journal personal relfection
~ Tuesday, February 25 ~
To finish the moment, to find the journey’s end in every step of the road, to live the greatest number of good hours, is wisdom.
— ― Ralph Waldo Emerson (via psych-quotes)

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~ Saturday, February 1 ~
1. Take a chance and talk to them.
2. Never make assumptions about what other people are feeling.
3. If you can’t cry, then run until your lungs burst, or write until you feel something.
4. People leave. It’s as inevitable as the change of the seasons, but don’t let it define you.
5. Cigarettes are not meal replacements.
6. Destruction is lovely, but nothing is more beautiful than creation.
7. Don’t compare your intelligence to others’; it’s something too abstract to be measured.
8. Being happy and not afraid to die is a dangerous combination.
9. There’s something to be said for anonymity, but don’t lose sight of yourself. 

Sometimes the best thing for the other person is to let them live their life without you.
10. Don’t be the other woman. You deserve to be with someone who will respect you enough to be with only you.
11. Never be pressured into doing something sexual.
12. Don’t call yourself a slut or a whore, because it makes it okay for other people to call you that and that is NOT okay.
13, Feel free to fall, but always be prepared to catch yourself.
14. Jealousy will eat you alive. Don’t be jealous of other people’s relationships - there are always flaws you can’t see.
14 Things I Did Not Learn In School-by (N.I.) pt. 1 (via migrains)

(Source: trashfriend)

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Sometimes, in order to embrace the destiny God has in store, you have to be willing to make some changes in your life. You have to be willing to examine where you are and what you need to move forward. This may mean that you need to change some friends that you’re spending time with. Maybe they were fine for a season in your life, but now you’ve outgrown them. This is a new season, and in order for you to rise higher, you have to break away from relationships that are limiting you. You have to develop some new relationships with people who are going to pull you up and inspire you to rise higher.

And, this doesn’t just mean separating yourself from people who are holding you back spiritually. I’ve found that if you’re the smartest one in your group, your group is too small. Find people who will challenge you to stretch to the next level and become everything God’s created you to be. Remember, he who walks with the wise becomes wise. Choose your friends wisely and don’t be deceived. Surround yourself with people who will cause you to rise higher so you can live in the destiny God has in store for you!

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~ Monday, January 20 ~


Have you ever just sat in your room.

And just stopped thinking.

Stop questioning yourself.

Just stopped everything you are doing and just breathe.

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Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
Mark Twain (via psych-facts)

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Your failure does not define you, your determination does.

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Stop chasing

I’ve officially stopped chasing after D.

He just wants the most precious part of me and destroy it then leave me broken.

Stop chasing.

If he wants me he has to come get me. 

Until then. Adios!

Someone else came into my life again, he’s alot nicer and such as sweet heart.

Why are we more inclined to chase after someone who CLEARLY doesn’t want you.

Time to face the music love. 

It’s time I start chasing after my own personal goals.

It’s time I start facing my issues without any distractions.

I’m really excited for my future.

I love how with Nursing I can work, travel anywhere in the world with full time employment.

The only thing holding me back right now is money.

This year I have to promise myself I will get my money issues solved. 

2014 is looking bright. :D

Tags: diary personal blog happy 2014